


1. Meaning:

by RascalPink



Category: TWICE (Band)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Healing, Heartbreak, ahugemess, lookbetweenthelines
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-09
Updated: 2019-01-17
Packaged: 2019-09-15 03:22:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 12,740
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16925553
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RascalPink/pseuds/RascalPink
Summary: Dahyun bumbles around after being heartbroken.Meaning: pretty girls come in at the most unexpected of places.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [buddy_molly](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=buddy_molly).



Dahyun runs a finger around the rim of her glass as her eyes wander behind the bar. 

 

Thirteen boxes of liquor populate the ground and the mat under the bartender’s feet dispel all notions of this bar being at least one-michelin star (not that any bar gets any michelin stars). It’s crusty and painted with mold. Still, it’s being used and it must be grateful for the patronage. At least it’s useful.

 

She adjusts the frames on her face before she takes a swig of her drink. 

 

Smooth. It flows down her throat nicely - stream-like and calm. It’s probably one of the few instances that please her today. Everything is just so crummy now.

 

According to her best friend, there are two kinds of people in this world: ones who do and ones who try to do. She’s more so the latter. At least, that’s what she thinks she is. Momo told her the opposite, though Dahyun likes to think Momo doesn’t have the slightest clue what she’s doing in this world so she takes whatever that girl says with a grain of salt. 

 

Dahyun sighs before holding her hand up.

 

“Check please.”

 

“Do you want to open a tab?”

 

Dahyun stops, looks the man in the eyes, and there is silence. 

 

She nods once and says, “Yeah give me one.”

 

Only she knows how much she needs it.

 

She stumbles out of the bar, hand grasping a railing as she hurls herself forward towards the nearest trash can before vomiting. 

 

She slumps against the trash can, remnants of her vomit around her mouth - bits and pieces of the burrito she had earlier today.

 

At the end of the day, Dahyun’s like this. It wasn't like this just a day before. If anything, she was happy - ecstatic to be living, away from the liquor and instead with a glass of water and a granola bar.

 

The thing is - she expected this. She expected that shit would hit the fan. It was clear as day; she was stupid not to have heeded the signs. 

 

Dahyun's done her fair share of stupid things; this takes the cake.

 

Christ, she misses her so much.

 

//

 

(“My name is Sana.” This bubbly girl is holding her hand out asking for a handshake. Now Dahyun would oblige if not for that she is completely frozen still because of this girl’s ethereal beauty. 

 

She's sporting long hair that Dahyun loves, coupled with it’s shade of red-brown, and her lips grinning as she’s expecting Dahyun’s hand to dart out soon enough. Not a single thing in this world could have prepared her for this moment - for she's completely taken aback and her lungs have given up all hope of breathing.

 

“M-My name’s Dahyun. Nice to meet you.” One stutter is good enough. It's better than her presentation for Physics that got her so flustered she had to leave the room to get some fresh air before she came back. Needless to say, she lost a few points in clarity and time.

 

Their hands meet and the electricity that follows only serve to give her some sort of seizure. God, what’s happening with her today. Her best friend Chaeyoung certainly up there in attractiveness. Dahyun gives her at least an eight out of ten (varies from person to person).

 

Suddenly as if there was a strange shift in space time continuum, the once kind and innocent smile turns into a smirk - sly and snake-like in nature. 

 

Needless to say, Dahyun’s lost this before it even started.)

 

//

 

Dahyun wipes her mouth with her sleeve as she heaves herself off the concrete. She ignores the passing looks and just continues forward, bumbling towards her condo. Well, what she thinks is her condo. She’s winging it at this point.

 

When the convenience store comes, a huge ol’ 7/11 that seems as though it shouldn't be a 7/11 but rather a department store, Dahyun knows she's on the right track albeit knowing that there's a while to go before she reaches home.

 

She ignores the vibrations in her jacket pocket or rather she doesn't feel a single thing; she numb - totally out of the loop. It doesn't bother her that people are worried - no - Dahyun doesn't have a care; she doesn't have a reason to.

 

It's when she rounds the corner of her apartment that it hits her. 

 

//

 

(I've seen you around here so much,” Sana comments as she walks along with Dahyun to class. “I've been meaning to talk to you but I was just nervous.”

 

Dahyun purses her lips. Sana admitted something that embarrassing and they've just met. Just who is this girl?

 

“No worries. At least we've met right? Better late than never I'd say.”

 

Sana smiles, not smirk this time. Who knows what could happen if she did? The whole world would probably collapse and she’d die in a moment’s notice cursing the fact that she could've just looked away and ignored it.

 

“I agree. Anyway, where are you going?”

 

“Just this theatre lecture. I would normally skip these kinds of classes but attendance is mandatory so I'd rather not lose points.”

 

“So you're a point whore.”

 

Dahyun frowns. In just a few minutes, they went from cordial greetings to being called a whore. She doesn't know if that's the custom these days, but it's pretty fucking strange.

 

“I'm not a point whore. I just like to have a backup for when I'm-”

 

“-whoring for points,” Sana interrupts with this shit-eating grin on her face. Jesus Christ, Dahyun wants to squeeze those cheeks and just smother her with kisses like how an aunt would do to their nephew. 

 

Dahyun throws her hand up into the air; there's no changing Sana’s mind. So stubborn, so freaking annoying, and just downright dis-

 

Sana leans forward and presses her lips against Dahyun’s cheek briefly before pulling back. Full pearly whites show as she points her thumb to the side.

 

“My class is this way. Nice to have met late, Point Whore.”

 

Dahyun’s point is proven. 

 

Sana is downright disrespectful.)

 

//

 

Dahyun turns the knob to their apartment, well, hers now. She steps over the broken glass of the picture frame they had bought earlier this week - the picture smiling happily at her still. She doesn't have the energy or the motivation to do it back.

 

It had been an argument of sorts, though she’d like to argue it wasn't much of an argument and just a beatdown with words. She had completely torn Dahyun apart, rebutted every point Dahyun tried to make, and Dahyun was left desolate as she sat on the beige leather couch thinking about how it could've gone wrong so fast.

 

It went wrong so fast.

 

It's Saturday now - Dahyun had drunk her sorrows for the past few hours. Dahyun hates how it just had to be the day where she has off to get heartbroken. She wants to drown herself in work, forget for even just a moment what happened earlier. 

 

Maybe this break would get her a fucking clue on what to do now.

 

//

 

(“Can you please stop saying hajima like ha-jiema? It's really throwing me off the groove Dahyun.”

 

Dahyun lets off a boisterous laugh as her nostrils flair and stomach hurts. She keels over on the couch as she slaps Chaeyoung on the thigh.

 

“Alright. Just cause you used the word groove, I'll let you off.”

 

Dahyun lies her head down on Chaeyoung's lap as they watch an episode of Friends - the one where Joey got sponsored by some Japanese lipstick called Ichiban. 

 

This has been their routine of sorts for a few months now, starting with an episode of House of Cards (but then Kevin Spacey happened and Dahyun didn't want any part of that. Chaeyoung didn't really give a fuck, a good show is a good show). 

 

“I bet four,” Dahyun raises the topic up.

 

“I bet five then.” 

 

It had also been a routine for them to make stupid bets that would usually result in some disciplinary action by the University. Far too long have they been messing around with the girl’s locker room so they switched over to the tennis club. 

 

“You don't think Momo would be able to smash them in under four minutes? Have you seen the last game they played? She made them cry.”

 

“I added a minute because have you seen who her partner is? Minatozaki Sana, you know her don't you?”

 

Dahyun purses her lips. Of course she knows who Minatozaki Sana is - the girl who made her forget her mother language in just a few seconds and gave it back just a few seconds after. 

 

“Fine. You're right, but I believe in Momo. She didn't win the singles tournament for nothing!”

 

Chaeyoung smacks her up alongside her head. “Singles are way different from doubles you idiot. There's this level of coordination you have to have and if you've seen their practices - you'd know this Minatozaki girl ain't going to cut it. Christ, I want whatever our tennis coach has been smoking pairing her up with Momo.”

 

“We both know you don't do drugs. You act all tough but you're just afraid.”

 

“Oh piss off.”)

 

//

 

Saturday is a chore to live through. 

 

It starts with waking up on the couch, staring at that ceiling that was painted navy blue for some reason for who knows how long. Though when the sun hits her in the face, it must be somewhere around noon when she gets up and contemplates about what she should do next.

 

She doesn’t bother eating lunch, her stomach not rumbling like it usually does - like it lost all semblance of what is was supposed to do (which is rumble when she needs it). 

 

The moment she steps out of the train station off to get her clothes at the dry cleaners, she’s glad that her stomach didn’t tell her to eat.

 

Because if she did, she’ll have the food strewn across the concrete steps and she didn’t want to cause such a scene.

 

Dahyun hides behind a pole, eyes peering out as she leans. It’s terrifying, so fucking frightening. There must have been something in the liquor she drank last night, because this is not fucking happening.

 

She’s there with her best friend laughing without a care in the world - slapping her shoulder as something funny must’ve came up. 

 

It hurts when they turn and their hands come into full view - locked together.

 

Dahyun wants to rip her own eyes out and burn them, but she can’t stop staring.

 

//

 

(“This is Myoui Mina speaking.”

 

Dahyun presses the phone against her ear as she frowns. This Myoui Mina answering Minatozaki Sana’s phone? Dahyun’s not sure she follows nor does she like what’s going on.

 

It’s Saturday morning. Fridays are usually the ones where crazy shit happens - Dahyun doesn’t expect it to happen the day after either.

 

Still, she answers albeit apprehensive on the situation.

 

“Kim Dahyun. My name is Kim Dahyun. I-uh Sana gave me this number to call, but I must’ve gotten the wrong one. Sorry.”

 

She’s about to hang up if not for loud rustling and the soft ‘give me that’ over the phone. 

 

Next thing Dahyun knows, her ears are getting blessed by none other than Minatozaki Sana.

 

“I’m sorry about that. Mina has a sick sense of humour answering other people’s phones while they sleep.”

 

Dahyun bites her lip. There was something going on.

 

“No worries. I was just wondering…” Dahyun sighs. “-nevermind forget it.”

 

She hangs up and her arm carrying her phone slumps to her side. 

 

There’s no way Minatozaki Sana would be so careful as to-

 

Her phone vibrates and she’s left speechless as to the text that adorns itself onto her screen proudly.

 

[08:37:57] Minatozaki Sana: Dinner later? I need to talk to you.)

 

//

 

Dahyun sits alone, typing away on her computer in the library, trying to get her work done. However in this god-forsaken library, distractions come in droves and she’s left reading a twitter feed on how there was a shooting outside a restaurant just a mile away. 

 

Christ, Dahyun’s never heard of a library this loud before - must be some new-age thing. 

 

(Dahyun’s acting like she’s old when she’s probably the most childish in her group of friends)

 

She just can’t find any peace today. This is her off day and not a single thing is going right so far. She’s seriously contemplating on riding the train back to the bar again and getting wasted. 

 

However, two nights in a row of continuous drinking is hardly practical for someone of her meager bank account.

 

She doesn’t have anyone anymore to share the bills either. 

 

“I’m sorry but can I take this seat?” Dahyun looks up and smiles politely at the woman in front of her - a little taller than Chaeyoung, more voluptuous and well endowed too.

 

Dahyun looks to her own chest before scrunching her nose in annoyance. Some people just get lucky with the genes, she guesses.

 

Dahyun gestures for her that it’s okay and the woman gladly takes a seat - pulling out a book in the process. 

 

A Visit From the Goon Squad. Dahyun gives a slight smile - seeing that this woman is reading one of her favorite books. Okay alright, maybe some things are going right today.

 

“Are you at the slideshow?” Dahyun asks abruptly and she regrets every fiber in her being that gave her such gall to speak out like that. 

 

Though when the woman shakes her head ‘no’ and says, “What’s that?”, she knows it’ll be alright.

 

//

 

(Dinner consisted of shy stares and welcome advances - coupled with the fact that Dahyun’s internal organs must be bleeding, but it’ll be alright considering nursing major Minatozaki Sana is there to heal her wounds. (Although she’s hella scared since she saw the tennis match and wondered how Sana got into the team the first place). 

 

But past the explosions in her stomach and everywhere inside - Dahyun’s cool, calm, and collected on the outside. With a confident smile and her chin up, it seems as though she has everything under wraps (meaning: she wants to wrap herself up and throw herself into the incoming traffic but that’s besides the point).

 

She doesn’t know how, but Sana has gotten a hold of her hand and is grasping it firm but soft - tight enough for Dahyun to not be loose but also not hurting the poor girl. 

 

Dahyun’s not sure if she likes this new form of skinship.

 

“Dinner was fun. Let’s do it again sometime.”

 

She’s not sure if she nod ‘yes’ or just shake her head ‘no’. There’s so many damn possibilities and Dahyun wants to be right this time. No mistakes, just pure genius should be the way to go right now. 

 

Then she remembers the phone call earlier today and she frowns once more.

 

“Yeah. You should bring your girlfriend too. Myoui Mina?”

 

“Mina? Oh, sorry that must’ve looked awfully like we’re...me and Mina aren’t like that. She just crashed at my place.”

 

Dahyun bites her lip. Honestly, she barely knows Sana. Her clumsy nature and her wry smirks are really what she’s paid attention to. She’s not sure if Sana’s lying, but who is she to say she is? She’s no oracle. The closest thing she’s ever gotten to figuring out a person is when she’s being an armchair psychologist on reddit (and even that’s 50/50).

 

Although she’s going to trust her this time, however stupid this may be.

 

“Alright then. She’s not your girlfriend then. Is she coming?”

 

Dahyun hears nothing for a few moments and she turns her head to see Sana’s head down looking at the ground they’re walking on. 

 

Her voice is soft, but it’s like cannons in Dahyun’s ears.

 

“But I want to be alone with you,” Sana whispers.)

 

//

 

Her name is Jihyo aka ‘Your genes are better than mine’. (Although Dahyun doesn’t say exactly that. It was close in nature.)

 

Dahyun’s less than deft hands were tugged by Jihyo’s more agile ones to the restaurant a block down from the library, each holding their respective books in hand - Dahyun’s 11/22/63 and Jihyo’s A Visit from the Goon Squad. It had been an hour when they met, both of them sitting down and talking about literature, to this current moment where they’re sharing shy stares from across the table.

 

It had come like a storm when Dahyun realizes Jihyo is a pure, bonafide genius with the intelligence flowing smoothly out of her plump lips. 

 

It started with theoretical physics then to organic chemistry and then to classical music with the likes of Bach and Rachmaninoff. Now Dahyun’s majored in physics and minored in biochemistry and she’s completely stumped on the trajectory of how conversations with Jihyo would turn out. It’s completely out of her league with the way Jihyo’s carrying herself that she finds herself shrinking back into her seat as she gets barraged with names of famous scientists and musicians she’s only heard of in passing. 

 

All in all, Jihyo isn’t really for her - no matter how gene-blessed she is.

 

// 

 

(Her name is Myoui Mina and god she’s beautiful. 

 

Dahyun looks down at her own clothes - feeling sheepish that she’s wearing her jogging sweats and the trainers she’s sporting are stinking from the dog poop she stepped just prior to meeting such a goddess.

 

Mina’s hair is tied up into in a bun, giving Dahyun a luscious view of her vacant neck. Dahyun unconsciously licks her lips at the sight before she snaps back to reality and smiles back when Mina says a greeting and bows slightly at her.

 

“Nice to meet you too Mina. Sana told me much about you (not much at all, just a few things about ballet and her majoring in anthropology).”

 

“Oh Sana did? That idiot can’t close her mouth can she?”

Dahyun giggles as she nods a few times. “She talks a lot, but I don’t really mind it. It’s better than being silent sometimes.”

 

“True,” Mina admits. “I’ve been told I’m too quiet. I should take a page or two from Sana’s book.”

 

Now Dahyun doesn’t realize she’s spoken too far until she blurts this stupid statement out.

 

“I think you’re perfect the way you are.”

 

Shit.)

 

//

 

Jihyo has said her goodbyes and left her number in Dahyun’s phone. Dahyun doesn’t know what to do with it as she stares at her contact list. It wouldn’t hurt to give Jihyo a try right?

 

Still, it doesn’t feel right. Jihyo doesn’t feel right.

 

Dahyun feels so empty without her that replacing her that quickly seem so out of place. Dahyun’s loyalty still lies with her. Give it a few months, maybe a year and everything’ll change.

 

So she tucks Jihyo away in her pocket and forgets about her for now.

 

//

 

(Sana’s wearing a suit this time - hair tied up into a ponytail and jawline looking as sharp as ever. 

 

Dahyun has to suppress a gulp when she sees Mina appear right beside her.

 

They both smile at her and so Dahyun says, “What’s with the...getup?”

 

Sana holds up a flyer before fully giving it to Dahyun. 

 

It reads: Dance Competition. All are welcome! 

 

Dahyun looks up from the flyer with her brow raised. “You dance?”

 

They both shrug before Mina says, “We’re doing it for the free lunch for a year, well, Momo’s really fervent about it more than we are. It’s like she thinks we have a shot at winning.”

 

Sana nudges Mina. “Have you seen her at practice? She’s amazing.”

 

Mina shakes her head before turning her attention back to Dahyun while pointing at Sana. 

 

“I don’t think Sana knows that this is a team competition and there needs to be a level of coordination that isn’t present whenever she’s involved.”

 

Dahyun feels as though she’s heard that before, but she shrugs it off and pays attention to how the suited girls in front of her are testing the phrase ‘if looks could kill’. It’s certainly unfortunate how she’s the victim (or is it fortunate? This is confusing.)

 

“Are you coming?” Sana asks, eyes big and expectant. She takes hold of Dahyun’s hand holding the flyer. Christ, Sana is so impish that if she were to ask her if she wants to jump into a pool of lava, she’d do it fourty times over just so she could be pleased. 

 

Dahyun legs go jelly and so she nods quickly a few times.

 

“Great! I’ll see you there. Don’t forget to come backstage alright? Momo’s been wanting to meet you.”)

 

//

 

Saturday night. It’s been twenty four hours since she had her heartbroken (not that Dahyun’s been counting) and she finds herself outside of the bar she frequents.

 

Your Bar. It’s a weird name for a bar, but the owners are named Yoo and she guesses it’s some sort of inside joke in the family. Even their daughter Jeongyeon, who works as the bartender, won’t even say why it’s called that - only snickering whenever it’s brought up.

 

Dahyun’s hand twitches when she stares at the handle, her mind wanting to open that door and just enter but her heart screams ‘no’. 

 

After all, this bar is the main source of her problems.

 

“Are you going in or not?” 

 

Dahyun knows that voice and so she instantly torques her head around only to be met with that familiar aloof face. She relaxes from her tension and she immediately buries her head into the crook of the girl’s neck as she wraps her arms around the now-shocked girl’s waist.

 

“I missed you so much Momo.”

 

Momo pats Dahyun on the back a few times as she rests her chin on top of Dahyun’s head.

 

“I missed you too Dubs. It’s been a while.”

 

//

 

(Momo takes her home that night. Mina and Sana were left at the venue arguing how Mina was so wrong that they weren’t going to win.

 

They won.

 

The trophy sat in the back and Momo is more than content that she’ll be able to lay off eating those unhealthy ramen packs that she’s been so used to eating in place of somewhat decent food.

 

So Dahyun sits, hands on her lap, as she stares out the window of Momo’s car. It smells like lilacs and freshly opened toothpaste (years later when they meet again, it still smells the same, although there’s a hint of red bean bread-fish in there). 

 

“I’ve heard so much about you. You’re definitely something Dahyun.”

 

“Who told you about me?”

 

“Mina and Sana. Those two won’t stop rambling about you. I’m more so interested in how you got Mina to talk. That girl doesn’t say anything unless she has too. One day she talked to me in grunts and it was grueling. I couldn’t find the damn mustard!”

 

Dahyun just tries to stifle her laughter the more Momo talks. She’s so down-to-earth and friendly that it feels like they’ve been friends for years already. Dahyun wishes the she had met her earlier.

 

The car soon comes into a stop in front of Dahyun’s dorm. She could see her light on the fourth floor on so she figures her roommate Chaeyoung would still be there watching some House of Cards that Dahyun really didn’t care to finish.

 

“Do you want me to walk you up?” The question breaks her attention from the window back to Momo and she turns and looks to the source.

 

“I think I’ll be fine. You’ve done enough already.”

 

Momo nods reassuringly before Dahyun gets out of the car, closing the door gently in the process. 

 

For days to come after, Dahyun finds herself coming out Momo’s car more often than not.)

 

//

 

“I can’t believe she would do that. I thought you guys were perfect for each other.”

 

Momo holds up the bottle of soju in her hand to pour some more into Dahyun’s shot glass. Dahyun doesn’t remember how much she’s drank, but it’s enough to get her a bit tipsy.

 

“I understand completely. I just don’t know why she’d say or do that to me. I mean, I love her, she loves me, but I guess she loves Chaeyoung more than I do. It hurts Momo. It really does.”

 

Momo raises a hand to rub her back - back and forth, easing her from her troubles even for just a little bit. Where can she find a better friend than Momo?

 

That’s right - nowhere - because her other one stabbed her in the back.

 

At least stab her in the front like Caesar, Jesus.

 

“Look, I care for you. Why don’t you come back to my place? I have movies and those little sugar coated snacks you like.”

 

“Mystery and cookies?”

“Yeah, mystery movies and cookies just for you.”

 

//

 

(Momo had just told her that there are two kinds of people in this world: the ones who do and the ones who try to do. No matter what she said, Momo said she was the former - as if she knows and believes in her. No one has set that much confidence into her, not even her own mother - who only shrugged and ordered her around like a slave. 

 

It’s Sunday morning and they’re huddled around the table eating breakfast Momo cooked - some bacon and eggs along with a glass of orange juice. 

 

It’s domestic - strangely so. It gives Dahyun some bizarre feelings that she really doesn’t want to entertain, but how can she not when Momo’s grinning at her from across the table looking beautiful as ever.

 

Gosh, why are all the people she’s meeting these days so pretty?)

 

//

 

Momo and her just finished watching ‘Shutter Island’. It seemed like Momo hadn’t had the chance to watch it before considering she’s outside the door of the bathroom she’s occupying just talking to her to ease the fearfulness.

 

It’s cute and Dahyun didn’t expect anything less.

 

“Dahyun when are you done? I’ve got Fifty First Dates waiting for us already. Please hurry up.”

 

Dahyun washes her hands, eyes trained on the mirror in front of her.

 

God, she looks terrible. Her eyes are gaunt with panda-like rings around them. Her shirt is stained and probably needs to be burned after tonight. Dahyun supposes she can borrow a shirt for tonight. It is what they used to do back when they were in college.

 

When she finishes washing her hands, soap and all, that’s when she notices the items on the sink.

 

 

There are two toothbrushes.

 

//

 

(Dahyun meets Sana again at Main Street on her way to the store to buy some toiletries for her bathroom. 

 

Sana is there sitting on a bench, headphones on as she eats some ice cream. Dahyun heart swells at the sight. Sana looks so candid, a very girl-next-door type of vibe, that even more so than Mina - she almost loses her will to her stupid libido. 

 

Although she gets herself together and approaches her new friend of one week.

 

“Strawberry? I pegged you for a matcha person.”

 

“Oh Point Whore, what's up?” Sana remarks as she takes off an earphone. She smiles those pearly whites at Dahyun.

 

Dahyun grimaces at the nickname, but she waves it off - knowing that if she tells Sana to stop, Sana would only be tempted to say it more. 

 

“I just want to see how you were doing. You’re just here listening to music and ice cream after all.”

 

“Well that’s sweet of you but I was just waiting for my next class. It’s in an hour and I just wanted to pass the time.”

 

“Eating ice cream?”

 

Sana shakes her head. “Just watching the girls pass by. Our University really has the best selection of girls.”

 

Dahyun shifts her eyes, making sure everything around her is still in motion because it seems what Sana just said is hardly real at this point. Well what she said is certainly no joke - because Sana is patting the seat right beside her.

 

“Sit your pretty ass here.”

 

Okay. What. Well, Dahyun will sit her pretty ass there - because the look Sana is giving her is certainly not how a friend looks at each other and she’d like to alleviate that soon enough. 

 

“How was Momo last night? She can be a bit silly sometimes but she’s a good person. Do you like her?”

 

“She’s feels really...organic, natural I think is the right word. It’s like the stress hasn’t hit her yet and she’s stuck as a kid.”

 

Sana nods a few times. “I do get that from her sometimes.”

 

Dahyun doesn’t reply back, just enjoying the wind blowing at the trees and relishing in trying out this new hobby of checking out pretty girls.

 

That is until Sana gets her attention once again.

 

“What do you think about me?”

 

Dahyun bites her lip, turning her head to catch Sana’s eyes that are gazing at her. It’s piercing but it’s also soft and inviting that Dahyun almost lulls to sleep with how tender Sana is looking at her. Maybe that’s what she thinks of Sana - just someone who makes her feel things, strange things. 

 

It’s not as if she doesn’t like it, no, she loves it. She just wonders if she does the same to Sana.

 

Does she?

 

“I think you’re the opposite of Mona Lisa.”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“You’re the opposite. You’re so cracked and broken and people think you’re clumsy as hell.”

 

“I’m not clumsy.”

 

“But look up close and you’re beautiful and you’re amazing and you’re all sorts of funny and beautiful.”

 

Sana smiles. “You said beautiful twice.”

 

“It doesn’t make it any less true, does it?”

 

Sana shakes her head as she looks down at her ice cream. “I guess it doesn’t.”

 

There are so many more things Dahyun would like to say, but she doesn’t. Because if she does, she’s not sure she can handle how coy Sana is being right now.

 

Sana is the opposite of Mona Lisa. She likes it.)

 

//

 

Fifty First Dates was okay; Dahyun wouldn’t watch it again that’s for sure. Mystery movies please and everything’ll be alright.

 

Momo is in the kitchen, cooking up what smells like soondubu for the both of em’ - quoting Momo, “We have to eat your namesake!” Now Dahyun knows of her little nickname; it doesn’t mean she likes it.

 

But Dahyun’s thoughts are sporadic and messed up - her mind swirling and whirling with the image that’s burned into her mind. 

 

Two. That’s more than one. Less than three. If there was one, then Momo’s living alone. If there was three, then it’s a crowd and they’re friends. 

 

But two. It’s a sacred number. A number only given to couples and fuck buddies that have some supplies at each other’s house. 

 

But this is Momo, a girl who wouldn’t hurt a fly even if she tried to. She’s the kind of girl that would drive you home thirty miles if you just asked. She’s the kind of girl that would tell the President her plans of world domination because she thinks the president could help her with that.

 

She’s innocent and naive and everything a kid is.

 

Then the doorbell rings and Dahyun’s stuck looking pale at the door.

 

//

 

(Myoui Mina. Minatozaki Sana. Hirai Momo.

 

All Japanese.

 

And Dahyun doesn’t know how she’s gotten close to each one of them this quickly.

 

Chaeyoung had patted her on the back, gave her thumbs up, and asked for at least one of their numbers. 

 

(“Bet you that Hirai’s gonna with this point, not Sana,” Dahyun comments as they sit on top of a hill overlooking the tennis courts.

 

“Bet taken. Get your pen out.”

 

On the seventh rally, Sana manages to stick her racket out and get the point for the team - shocking everyone watching: the coach, the other team’s coach, the other team, Momo herself, and the two stupid betters on top of the hill watching the game.

 

Dahyun turns to look at Chaeyoung who does the same, mouth still ajar at what just happened.

 

“Okay here’s how we’re going to do this. I’m going to write down all of their numbers and you pick out the piece of paper, alright?”

 

“Alright.”)

 

Dahyun finds herself between all of em’ in Momo’s dorm watching a bunch of Sherlock episodes on Netflix - several bottles of sprite on the table and a couple of dumplings that Momo had bought because she said, “We gotta eat my namesake!”

 

Two hands are on each of her thighs and she wishes she could just go to heaven (maybe she is already, but she’s sure she hasn’t died yet).

 

When Sana leans over and whispers in her ear how she has to go into the bathroom, that’s when Dahyun goes into some sort of seismic shock within her body.

 

Then when Mina leans over while squeezing the thigh her hand was on, that’s when she explodes and stands up - red in the face and completely flustered with this whole situation.

 

“I-I’m gonna go home. It’s been fun.”

 

She leaves the three of them - not knowing that a bet has been made.)

 

//

 

“I heard what happened. I came as soon as I can from the hospital.”

 

Dahyun stares at her - like seeing an old friend you lost ages ago. 

 

The thing is: Sana is an old friend she lost ages ago.

 

“You’re living with Momo now? Are you guys-”

 

“No. We’re not together. I just need someone to help pay the rent.”

 

“The rent...alright.”

 

Dahyun waits for Momo to emerge from the kitchen and she does a moment later, carrying a hot pot containing what smells like soondubu. Dahyun gathers her courage and looks to Sana - who’s smiling wide at the food coming on to the table. 

 

(Little did Dahyun know. Sana’s smiling at her.)

 

“Another tasty meal Momo. I don’t know how you got this good, but I applaud you.” Sana takes her soup spoon and scoops up some of the broth before putting into her mouth - moaning at the taste. 

 

Christ, Sana still makes her feel so...unusually bothered.

 

“Thanks…” Momo trails off - eyebrows raised. “You haven’t complimented me at all about my meals.”

 

“Well now’s a good time to start isn’t it?” Sana looks up from her bowl and smiles.

 

“Right…”

 

Dahyun looks at the awkward apartment mates. She’d think that they’d be closer than they seem, but it seems that they’re very distant from each other.

 

She sees how they act. They don’t act like they’ve been friends for years already. They’re so polite and well put together. Dahyun bets they don’t even fart in front of each other.

 

They’re rigid and this is all weird coming from her perspective.

 

“When'd you start living with Momo?”

 

“I think it's been a year now. Met her at the grocery store posting a flyer for a roommate and here we are, eating some soondubu.”

 

The dinner continues on and with small talk and stories from the past, Dahyun survives the night.

 

(“Pay the forty.”

 

Momo groans and pulls out the money from her pocket and slaps it into Sana’s waiting hand.)

 

//

 

(“Mina told me you guys got together. Is that true?” Sana asks, forehead wrinkling in curiosity (or is it fear?).

 

Dahyun nods, arranging the packets of ramen on the shelf of the convenience store. Sana had come into the store, skirting around the question she wanted to ask before she gathered up the courage and finally asked it.

 

It's terribly anti-climatic - Dahyun expected a larger reaction to be elicited from the other girl - but only a nods appears and a small ‘Oh. I hope you guys are happy’ comes. 

 

Then Sana leaves and Dahyun stops stacking the shelves, knowing that Sana liked her too.

 

She saw how Sana looked at her, saw how she treated her, and it must've broken her heart with the revelation.

 

But Dahyun is happy, she’s happy with Mina right now. 

 

She loves Mina and Mina loves her.)

 

//

 

“Contrary to what Momo probably said, we expected this all along. We just didn't want to say anything just in case we were wrong.”

 

Dahyun grasps the railing - the cold metal searing into her skin. She shivers from the chills, but she powers through it until the cold isn't cold anymore and it becomes warm from the friction. 

 

The roof. Sana had asked her to come up, wanting to talk privately, away from Momo’s prickly ears and prying eyes.

 

Then there they are, Sana telling her the truth - and it hurts so fucking much.

 

Her voice cracks. “I-I didn't expect them to do that to me.”

 

“I don't think they did either but here we are, talking about how they did. What are you going to do?”

 

Dahyun shrugs, the hand grasping the railing getting tighter and tighter. It's painful, but it doesn't compare to the pain she felt when she found out yesterday about Mina’s infidelity. 

 

“What can I do? I'll have to give up the apartment. I can't pay for it on my own and I'm sure Mina wouldn't like to keep it since she's probably going to live in Chaeyoung’s penthouse. I'll take up a spot in a tenement probably, crammed up in that shithole with a bunch of other unlucky sons of bitches. I'm so fucking useless. I'm just somebody who tried and didn't do. I tried to give Mina a good life but I couldn't do it Sana. I just couldn't.”

 

Dahyun stares at the cars down below when her vision blurs and she realizes tears have started to fall from her face. People might think it might be raining, but it isn't - it's just a girl who loved somebody so much getting their heart ripped out and torn to pieces.

 

She thought she was over it, but then she isn't and it doesn't feel right to forget it after all. 

 

“You know Dahyun. We didn't really end up in the places we thought we'd think we'd end up. I share an apartment with Momo, but she could probably pay for that place on her own. I'm in the same boat as you - a small meager boat, but you know what's the difference between what Mina thought of that boat and me?”

 

“What?”

 

“I'm happy. I'm happy that I could pay for my rent. I'm happy that there are people who I love and people who love me. So what if Chaeyoung has a bigger boat? I don't think Mina understood what she did leaving you.”

 

“What's your point Sana?”

 

“My point is: You tried Dahyun. You tried your damndest. But you tried for the wrong one.”

 

Dahyun stares at Sana, who looks expectantly for a response to her little rant.

 

But then Dahyun's phone rings her pocket, and she pulls it out only to be met with a familiar name.

 

Blessed With Genes

 

“You said I tried for the wrong one?” Dahyun asks, palming her phone as she scrutinizes the screen.

 

“Yeah.”

 

“Alright.” Dahyun juts her phone out towards Sana.

 

A confused stare, a raised brow, and a tilted head - all signs of Sana’s curiosity brimming.

 

Again, it leaves Dahyun wanting to hug the living daylights out of her, but she stops because that's inappropriate and would constitute some form of sexual harassment.

 

But amongst the sounds of the traffic below and the airplanes flying above, Dahyun hears her own labored breathing - old habits coming back to her when she was nervous and anxious and all that. 

 

The thing is: she's only this flustered whenever she's with Sana.

 

Not Mina nor Momo. Not anyone. Just Sana.

 

So Dahyun grits her teeth, shaking her phone in emphasis, when she says, “I'll try for you. Put your number in.”


	2. Try

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Dahyun tries, but she doesn't know if she's doing it right.
> 
> Meaning: She just has to go for it.

 

_Love of my life, you've hurt me_

_You've broken my heart and now you leave me_

_Love of my life, can't you see?_

_Bring it back, bring it back_

_Don't take it away from me, because you don't know_

_What it means to me_

 

 

 

The phone rings.

 

Dahyun glances at the table, taking a few seconds to think, before she turns her head and ignores the ringing. It's annoying, way too annoying. She knows who's calling, and she doesn't even want to think of answering it, because then it would mean she's giving in, and she’ll always give in to her.

 

But it keeps ringing and Dahyun takes the initiative to turn it off, throwing it back on the table with a few thuds after she's done.

 

Good.

 

But then she hears the knocks on the door.

 

//

 

(There are red streaks upon the table, remnants of the spaghetti sauce Dahyun managed to spill when she got scared just a few moments ago. The waiters come, equipped with mops and new coverings for the table, and Dahyun shoots them apologetic looks which are only met with tiredness, as if they've been dealing with this the whole day and couldn't give a fuck anymore.

 

“Don't worry about it.” A hand covers her own and Dahyun instantly relaxes. Jihyo always had this effect on her, for some odd reason. Maybe it's her voice, velvety, a sort of sedative mixed with her words. Dahyun chooses to ignore it (it doesn't work).

 

It was a text, one she got from the roof when she was with Sana, and they agreed to meet up the next day for dinner, a sort of preliminary scan to see if they're right for each other. A first date; Jihyo called it a first date. Dahyun thinks otherwise, but she doesn't correct her ( _maybe it is,_ she thinks).

 

“Sorry, I've been clumsy lately. I think I'm getting it from somebody,” Dahyun replies, taking her other hand and covering Jihyo’s. Then Jihyo smiles and Dahyun has second thoughts.

 

It's Sana, that brown-haired brunette that put her number in, that brunette who just smiles like the world doesn't owe her anything but she does it anyway for the good of it. Because that's exactly it, Sana’s smile is good, too good. Anyone with eyes could see, probably even Mina would fucking drop her pants when she sees Sana’s smile.

 

Mina. Dahyun frowns at the thought, then her mind wanders to Chaeyoung, and it becomes too much.

 

“Hey, are you okay?” Jihyo worries, then she takes Dahyun’s hand in hers, squeezing it for comfort, filling Dahyun with warmth she's never felt in such a long while (not counting Momo’s homemade meal last night or Sana’s bright smile).

 

“Yeah yeah, just thinking.”

 

“What are you thinking about?” Jihyo asks and Dahyun stares into those eyes, those big pools of brown that she could get lost in for forever. She finds only worry and care, and Dahyun doesn't have the heart in her to deny such a request. What is happening to her?

 

“My ex. We just-uhh-we broke up recently. I was just reminded of something.”

 

Jihyo frowns in response, but she doesn't break her hold on Dahyun’s hand, instead squeezing it tighter. She shifts in her seat, as if second guessing in asking Dahyun to dinner, but she settles soon enough, planting herself, seemingly made her decision.

 

Jihyo’s staying (Good).

 

“Is she…”

 

“Here still? Her stuff’s still at home. Honestly, I don't know when she’ll come get them. I don't even think she even cares if she gets them. Her girlfriend would…” No. She can't dwell on them any further. She's strong, so much so that a break up is light. All the drinking and the crying has been done. This is the moment to rise again, find herself again, learn how to live a life without Mina. Mina isn't going to consume her, nor is Chaeyoung.

 

She grits her teeth and her eyes steel.

 

“Her girlfriend? You mean-”

 

“She cheated?” Dahyun nods solemnly. “Yeah, with my best friend too. Well, my _former_ best friend. I should've seen it coming. The signs were right in front of me.”

 

“Tell me.” Jihyo leans forward, inching closer like a seductress. It's tempting for Dahyun to just catch those luscious lips with hers, but she refrains. They barely know each other. Maybe later.

 

She hasn't noticed that she's been staring at those lips for far too long, and she gets jolted out of her daze by a light chuckle.

 

Jihyo. She's chuckling, amused. She thumbs over the back of Dahyun’s hand, a motion that calms the heartbroken girl just a little. Maybe not alleviating all the stress, but at least some. Then she speaks.

 

“You're so distracted. Maybe if you spent less time eyeing my lips then maybe you wouldn't be knocking over plates of spaghetti.”

 

Dahyun turns a deep shade of red, the blush spreading throughout her cheeks so much that she looks like a tomato. Her eyes become fidgety, focusing on useless things like how the waiters look at her with so much disdain or how the purse Jihyo is carrying seems to be from Gucci. They focus on a million different things, but they all settle into one when Jihyo says…

 

“Look at me.”

 

Dahyun looks and sees Jihyo’s calming face sporting a fond smile.

 

And Dahyun relaxes.

 

Jihyo always makes her relax.)

 

//

 

Had Dahyun always been this smart? She always asks herself if she’s some sort of relative to Einstein or something, because really, she is so damn smart. That was sarcastic. Very much so. She isn’t smart, far from it. She’s so dumb that jumping out from a three story apartment was such a good idea. She’s so dumb that she thought she wouldn’t get that hurt from it. She’s so dumb that she’s not even gonna call for an ambulance because she’s sure her collar bone is pretty much shattered.

 

She’s so dumb.

 

Dahyun glances back, eyeing her open window, the curtains swaying wildly from the wind. She turns and focuses her attention back to the road, the eyes of curious pedestrians judging her crooked walk or her pained grimace whenever her feet hits the ground too hard. It’s not until she rounds the corner that a bout of reality hits her.

 

She’s running away...again, from her problems, from the pain. Instead of confronting it, she’s here, with a broken collarbone and her pride lost, in a sidewalk that seems too small for two people.

 

 _“This sidewalk is way too small for two people.”_  She remembers.

 

//

 

(The first date with Sana is far less than grand, but Sana doesn’t seem to mind. She seems to thrive on this sort of casualness. She must be used to it, Dahyun surmises. Not everyone in this neighborhood must be rolling in the dough. It’s not all that bad. When you’re on the bottom, there’s nowhere to go but up. Somehow Dahyun holds on to that with all her heart and she won’t forget it. Maybe one day she’ll take Sana to a better place, maybe in a car or something, but a café and a ride on the bus would have to do this time.

 

There's something she likes about being poor. Well, she's not poor, but certainly not rich either. She's somewhere in between, in limbo between comfort and pain. She's not sure she'd like to be in either; she wants some goal to shoot for, something to keep her going. Because when you already have everything, what else would you need?

 

Sana seems to have a clue.

 

“Don't blame Mina. She's in love,” Sana says, a hint of a smile on her face as she looks out the window. Just five more minutes, maybe four now, until they're at the café, one where Dahyun used to frequent in her University days. For nostalgia’s sake she reasoned and Sana didn't have any complaints.

 

Dahyun frowns, doing a once over Sana's side profile, eyeing that prominent nose and that jawline that could probably cut her with a touch, then she pans over to the lips and that's when she stops.

 

She has _got_ to stop eyeing the lips.

 

“I don't think I can. It was her choice.”

 

Dahyun freezes when Sana turns, a glower on her face as her body leans over, resting when she meets Dahyun’s smaller frame. They snuggle close, like they're already a couple, and Dahyun tenses up, her heart pounding so loud Sana could probably feel it. Even if Sana does feel it, she makes no show of it, but a slight smirk on her face tells Dahyun she _does_ feel it, and she's left red again, almost as red as the spaghetti sauce she spilled the other day.

 

“She's in love. People do stupid things when they are. Love is one of the things you can't get with money.”

 

Dahyun sighs. She doesn’t like talking about Mina nor think about her. She’s tired; she’s done. She wants to forget about her already. Strip away the good times and it’ll be easier. Strip away Chaeyoung’s face whenever they visited her penthouse and it’ll be easier. Strip it all away and it’ll just be a gap in her memories. Dahyun doesn’t think they would care if she leaves.

 

“Do you think she was in love with me?”

 

“Perhaps, but some people find themselves out of it. The heart-” Sana points at Dahyun’s chest. “-is very fickle. Feelings change, sometimes we don’t even notice it.”

 

“Is _your_ heart fickle?” Dahyun questions, resting her chin at the crown of Sana’s head. It takes a second and she expects an answer but it doesn’t come. Dahyun knows why.

 

_She’s always been…_

 

“This is our stop,” Sana says, quickly hopping off Dahyun’s embrace. She makes her way to the exit before she turns back to Dahyun. “Come on. Try for me.”)

 

//

 

As Dahyun said before, there are two people in this world: the ones who do and the ones who try to do. She should add something to that last part: _and fail_. It’s much more specific, covers the bases, and she doesn’t have to worry about inquisitive people like Momo pestering her about that phrase. Momo has always been the questioning sort, always asking with those big round eyes as she inches closer to you, that delicate voice infused with some sort of veritaserum, things that Dahyun really doesn’t want to answer (or care to).

 

Dahyun certainly doesn’t want Momo to ask how the hell in this bloody world she got her collarbone broken (but you don’t always get what you want in life).

 

“How in the bloody hell did you get your collarbone broken?” Momo questions, hand on Dahyun’s waist as she supports her as they walk to the hospital a mile or two away. They’re on the side of the road — the sidewalk way too small for two people. Momo’s car is in the shop, a stupid driver knocking the bumper out.

 

“It’s a long story and I don’t really want to talk about it.” Dahyun winces when Momo accidentally bumps into the shattered bone. “Please be more careful. I’m broken right now.”

 

Momo scoffs. “Yeah I could see that.” She sighs heavily, shaking her head in disapproval (which Dahyun is very much used to at this point). Then she turns her head, those inquisitive eyes boring holes in the side of Dahyun’s skull, like a magnifying glass to an ant mound, or a magnifying glass to a very small thing. Either way, it makes Dahyun uncomfortable, her body either on fire or under heavy scrutiny (she’s leaning on both).

 

“We have a while to go and the buses don’t stop here. You either tell me or I’m calling her.”

 

Dahyun rolls her eyes, not believing Momo would do such a thing, but when Momo doesn’t break that heavy stare, she knows that whatever Momo said is true, since Momo rarely finds things to be serious about (and it seems that this is very serious).

 

“She’s trying to find me and I’ve been…”

 

“Running away,” Momo finishes it off. A small smile appears on her lips, as if amused and as if she's seen it all before. Dahyun is certainly the type to run away. “Have you ever thought of just confronting your problems? Facing them head on like bulldozer?”

 

Dahyun chuckles lightly when she shakes her head. “The last time I did that, I lost a friend and a lover. I don’t think I want to do that ever again.”

 

“But you met _me_ again. You met _her_ again.”

 

Dahyun stops and she meets Momo’s eyes, and she lets everything bare, the nakedness of her thoughts and her feelings flowing out like majestic waterfall.

 

“And you think if I-” Dahyun sighs. “-you think that if I do it again, something good will happen.”

 

“Sure it will, but what other way can you go but up?”

 

There’s a saying that Dahyun learned in pre-school, back when her parents were still alive, back when Chaeyoung was still that kid in the corner crying about how her toy got stolen, back when Dahyun was trying to build up the courage to talk to that kid, and back when everything was simple. It’s a phrase she kept with her, in the back of her mind, tucked away between the memories of Momo and Sana, since they’re the ones who seem to be finding ways to remind her of it.

 

_The darkest hour is just before dawn._

 

//

 

(“This sidewalk is way too small for two people,” Sana comments as they happen upon it as they walk back home. It has been a decent date so far, maybe even better than the one Dahyun had a few with Jihyo, albeit with less spaghetti on her clothes and her heart torn into shreds by a few well placed compliments. Being with Sana is nerve-racking, like the time she waited outside the conference room when she was about to present her thesis back in University. Back then, she had people to help her quell the butterflies, but she’s alone now — the two most important people in her life are gone now.

 

“Want to walk on the road? We just need to be careful bout’ the cars.”

 

Sana shakes her head and extends her arms out.

 

“Carry me.”

 

Dahyun stares, maybe a bit too long, but the unwavering look on Sana’s face makes it look like she’s not putting down those arms anytime soon. She scoffs in disbelief as she shakes her head.  She can’t believe she’s doing this. She turns around and crouches.

 

“Get on.”

  
It’s been a bizarre couple of days, some events she could see happening from a mile away but some, like this one, has been hidden from her instincts fairly well. She didn’t peg Sana as someone who would like to be carried like this, but now here she is, learning new things about a friend she’s known for a very long time. But now, it seems Sana’s no longer _just_ a friend, maybe she never was in the first place. No, Sana’s something more, more important than a friend.

 

And it just took Dahyun years to figure it out.

 

“Your back is comfy,” Sana comments as she rests her chin on Dahyun’s shoulder.

 

“Thanks, I guess. Your front is comfy too.”

 

A giggle that Dahyun could play on repeat for forever blesses her ears as Sana lets out that heavenly sound.

 

“Well you’re welcome to feel my front anytime,” Sana flirts. If Dahyun was nervous back then, then she’s completely destroyed by now. Sana has such a way with words she should’ve been a lawyer instead. She just _loves_ proving people wrong too. What a minx.

 

“Quit playing or I’m taking you home.”

 

“My home or yours? I’m fine with either.”

 

Dahyun can’t just win with Sana. She’s just too good at this. If she’s this good, how does she do it? Did she have practice, or something? If so, who? Dahyun frowns. Maybe, just maybe, she’s not so special to Sana after all. Maybe Sana’s just playing her, with her trust and her feelings. She needs to-

 

Dahyun feels Sana rest her head on her back.

 

“It’s always been you, you know?” Sana confesses, her voice almost a whisper, like she’s scared of saying it, as if it’s so embarrassing to say.

 

Her breath hitches.

 

“All this time. It’s always been you.”)

 

//

 

When she was younger back in the sixth grade, Dahyun learned about the periodic table, a list of elements that for some reason everyone had to memorize, which Dahyun doesn’t understand since making students do so would probably cause a few to completely swear off any involvement with a job in the sciences. Even Dahyun almost majored in history just because she didn’t want to do any science, but gladly that wasn’t the case.

 

Anyway, she learned it piece by piece, to the point where her teacher could call out an atomic number and she would be able to tell you all about the corresponding element.

 

But Dahyun’s come to learn, that whatever is on that table isn’t _all_ the elements.

 

Because Momo seems to have mastered the element of surprise.

 

“Hey.”

 

Dahyun has half the mind to throttle Momo in the back of the head right now, but in doing so, she’ll probably hurt herself even more. She truly needs the constitution for whatever it is she’s going to come face next.

 

Because there, in the foot of her hospital bed, stands Chaeyoung, looking the same as she did back in uni, with that long black hair and that mole spotted close to her mouth. It’s as though Chaeyoung’s some sort of immortal, because it seems that she’s not getting older, while Dahyun is haggard, about to just sign off this shithole she calls her life.

 

Dahyun is tired, too tired to do anything anymore.

 

“Hey,” Dahyun answers back, a hand grasping the bedsheet so hard her knuckles have turned white. She shoots a look of pure contempt for Momo who stands next to Chaeyoung.

 

“She was the emergency contact. Someone needed to sign the papers and your insurance wasn’t enough to cut it.”

 

Dahyun is struggling so so hard not to break, even though a part of her already is. It seems that the world decided to shatter both her collarbone and her pride in the same day.

 

Furtive steps inch its way towards her, but she makes no show of stopping them. She’s going to let Chaeyoung come close, because what else does she have to lose? Jesus, just fucking take her life already. It’s become worthless at this point.

 

“How did you break it?”

 

_I jumped out the window running away from-_

 

“I got hit by a bus.”

 

“How in the hell did you get hit by a bus? What were you doing huh? You could’ve gotten a lot more hurt!”

 

“Since when did you care if I get hurt or not?”

 

Chaeyoung stops, mouth waxing and waning, and she looks away.

 

“I'm sorry.”

 

Dahyun isn't having any of it. She looks to Momo, who perks up when she's being paid attention to.

 

“Momo, did she sign the papers already?”

 

Momo shakes her head. “No, we were just about to, but she wanted to see you first.”

 

Dahyun’s focus changes back and forth, from Momo to Chaeyoung, before she finally settles on Chaeyoung, eyes boring holes in her skull. Chaeyoung doesn't have the heart in her to look, regretful or rather embarrassed by her actions. No one should ever regret Mina, even if she did something _this_ terrible.

 

“I'll take up a loan.” Dahyun's still staring. “Don't let her sign.”

 

“But it's huge! I don't think you ca-”

 

“Momo,” Dahyun says, her voice stern. “Let me do this, for me.”

 

Momo's about to protest but then she sees that look in Dahyun’s eyes, one of pure defeat and worthlessness. She looks as though she went twelve rounds with a professional boxer, the referee not calling a TKO. She looks as though she doesn't even care anymore, doesn't care what happens. But Momo knows, she knows Dahyun's doing this for herself, lest she goes crazier than she already is. What was she even thinking of calling Chaeyoung over here?

 

“Alright, I'll tell em’,” Momo says, giving in, before she exits the room to call over a nurse.

 

Dahyun is still staring. She's convinced herself she's trying to find what makes Chaeyoung better than her, scanning those cute features over and over again. She's pretty cute herself, so it mustn't be that. But she knows deep down, it isn't her looks or her personality. It's the fact that Chaeyoung didn't say anything or the fact Mina didn't say anything. They're the most important people in her life. To lose them like that and so quick, without a clue of what happened, like a rush of wind passing by.

 

Dahyun didn't even know until the day before the fight.

 

“Is she happy?” she asks, her voice softer this time.

 

“Yeah, yeah she is.”

 

“She should come get her stuff. I'm moving out soon.”

 

Chaeyoung finally looks, her eyes full of concern and of worry.

 

“To where? I didn't know of this.”

 

Dahyun smiles into her lap, hands fiddling with each other.

 

“I can't afford my apartment. Without her share, I'm short a few hundred.”

 

“Where are you moving?”

 

“To a new city, I don't know which, but I got job offers. I'm just keeping my options open.”

 

“Don't. Don't move.”

 

Dahyun frowns.

 

“Why shouldn't I? I have nothing left here.”

 

“Mina would be-I would be sad if you left.”

 

“No you won't.”

 

“Yes I will. Look, I know I did you wrong but I'm still your best friend.”

 

“No you're not, not after what you did. Not after the lies and the deceit. Not after I saw you two at in the park. No friend would do that.”

 

“I love her and I know you did too, but you know she didn't like you sipping the juice all the time.”

 

“Don't get started on that. I stopped a long time ago.”

 

“But you didn't stop when she was still with you! She called me up all the time and I always saw you fucking lying face down on the carpet with vomit around your mouth!

 

“How do you know I-” Dahyun stops. No, it can't be. Mina wouldn't, no, she would. They both would. In their apartm-no, God no, she doesn't to believe it. When she was lying down on the carpet too? Tell her it isn't true.

 

Dahyun finds her breath leave her and she starts hyperventilating, unable to take in the new information. She tries hard to quell the surge of tears, but they come soon enough, streams flowing down her face.

 

Chaeyoung realizes what she just said and raises her hands in surrender.

 

“Dubs, I'm so-”

 

“Get the fuck out.”

 

“Dubs I-”

 

“GET OUT!”

 

//

 

(There’s something in the way Jihyo moves, like a fish in the water. It’s her mannerisms, those dainty hands sipping that coffee mug with her pinky up or how she puts her chest out while she holds her head up high as she walks. There’s this sort of regalness to her and Dahyun figures out soon enough that if Jihyo saw her apartment, she’d probably offer to buy her a new one downtown. Jihyo’s certainly not who Dahyun thought she was.

 

Dahyun remembers how it started at the library, the two of them meeting with books in their hands. Then lunch came around and Dahyun found that Jihyo wasn’t for her, but these days, Dahyun would take anything, because it’s hard to feel wanted nowadays. So no matter what, she’ll try; if it’s for the wrong one, then so be it. At least she tried (but failed).

 

There’s some things about Jihyo that she wants to know about. Seriously, she does. She’s fairly interested in the gene blessed woman. Like how Jihyo disappears for days on end before she miraculously appears right at the last second when Dahyun is about to give up. Or how she always seems to make her relaxed no matter what she does.

 

(Sana on the other hand seems to make feel the opposite)

 

But what Dahyun wants to figure out is why Jihyo is talking to Mina.)

 

//

 

In the past, Dahyun found herself in numerous sticky situations. Some literal, some not. But usually, she found a way to escape such troubles. Some through words alone, some through running. She did more so the latter. Chaeyoung always did tell her how her legs looked like a professional chef cutting up some vegetables with how fast her legs were.

 

But sometimes, there were some situations she couldn’t escape from. The most terrible one was when she fourteen, her hand in the purse of her biology teacher, trying to snatch some change for the vending machine down the water fountain. Needless to say, she felt hopeless at that point, because there was certainly no way she could run or talk her way out of it; the principal’s face was the very picture of disappointment.

 

In English class, she learned this as the “all is lost” moment, the moment when a character finds themselves in a terrible bind that would be difficult to escape from. In literature or in movies, many times they _do_ escape, but this is real life and when put in such a situation, it hardly works out in the end.

 

So when Dahyun is left lying on her hospital bed, her best friend gone, her collarbone broken, and her pride shattered to pieces. Yes, she does feel that all is lost. But how to get out of it?

 

Well, sometimes you need a savior.

 

“You look terrible.”

 

Dahyun could laugh, for how could she forget such a huge part in that girl’s life? This, this amazing girl, so ethereal and beautiful inside and out. With a smile so radiant, it could blind her. She looks good, as always, that nurse of hers. She’s holding a clipboard, the papers for her insurance most likely, and a pen, for her to sign with. There’s beauty in this: one about to make her life harder and the other making it easier.

 

Sana always made things easier.

 

“I didn’t know you worked at this hospital. I could’ve sworn it was halfway across town.” Dahyun gestures with her chin to what Sana is holding. “Are those my papers?”

 

“Yeah, take a look.” Sana comes closer and Dahyun smells a hint of what seems like red bean bread-fish, instantly recognizing it from Momo’s car.

 

Dahyun takes the clipboard and her brow furrows before she looks up, a questioning look on her face.

 

“These are not my papers. This is a receipt.”

 

When Sana smiles and Momo comes into view from the back, there must be onions being cut inside the room, because it’s hard to stop the tears.

 

Then warmth comes into the form of a hug, and Dahyun knows it’ll be alright.

 

At least for the time being.

 

//

 

(Ever get stabbed? It’s like being pricked by a million needles all at once, each one dealing damage to your insides. Then the heat comes, like the sun in July. Then it all disappears as shock runs through your body and you can’t feel a thing.

 

The logical thing here is to go to a hospital where they can patch you up, make the wound close. In the end, it will heal, but there will be a scar for you to remember it by.

 

The illogical thing here is to slap a bandaid to it, expecting it to heal and not let it get infected. Then when the infection spreads, death will come and it won’t matter anymore.

 

Because when Dahyun felt her back get stabbed by her best friend, she seriously thought Chaeyoung would at least call a hospital, tell her straight up what the case is, make it heal stitch by stitch. But no, Chaeyoung slapped a bandaid over the wound expecting it to heal and just left without a word.

 

And you know what’s worse than getting stabbed in the back? Getting stabbed twice.

 

“Jihyo.” Dahyun’s voice is weak and tired, the tone in her voice flagging her exhaustion. Because she really is so so tired of this, tired of being passed around, being played with like a tennis ball.

 

“Dahyun,” Jihyo says, breathless as she looks to her side to Chaeyoung, who looks like she’s been caught with her pants between her legs.

 

“You know each other,” Dahyun observes, her lip quivering from the sight. “I thought you-you were nice to me. I figured you were rich but…” Dahyun swallows before she tears her sight away. “Did she tell you to do it?” Dahyun looks again, her eyes the very picture of steel, as if she has nothing left to lose. “Did she ask you to play me?”

 

Jihyo panics as she throws her hands up.  

 

“I swear I didn't mean it like that. She probably didn't mean it either. Yeah sure I had some doubts about this whole but you're an amazing person Dahyun and I saw that and I really want to make this wor-”

 

“Save it,” Dahyun hisses. She points a languid finger at Chaeyoung. “Stop fucking with my life Chae. You've done enough. Just-” Dahyun sighs, “-just leave me alone. Please.”

 

“Dubs I-”

 

But Dahyun is already gone, running away in the direction of her apartment.

 

And Jihyo runs after her, the phone in her hand constantly calling Dahyun’s.

 

Jihyo cares.

 

But Dahyun doesn't want to see it.)

 

//

 

“You have a visitor,” Sana says. She’s biting her lip, her hands fidgeting, and the sweat on the side of her head makes it seem like this person would be a detriment to Dahyun. Still, she’s the nurse and she just can’t refuse a visit during visiting hours, only the visitee would be able to. Hopefully, Dahyun would be able to read the signs (she doesn’t).

 

“I could always use more visitors. Who is it?”

 

Sana shrugs. “I don’t know. I’ve never met her. Somebody by the name of Jihyo. Her face was dripping with sweat. I think she was running or something.”

 

Dahyun frowns, that name, Jihyo, is fresh on the list of names she doesn’t want to hear at the current moment. However, she did say to Momo she’d confront her problems and Jihyo is certainly a problem. The problem named Chaeyoung seemed all but solved, albeit not as pretty as she would have liked. Maybe Jihyo could be solved a lot more grace, as Jihyo has certainly shown time and time again.

 

“Alright, let her in.”

 

Sana nods before she exhales heavily. Then when she gets up and opens the door, Dahyun tenses, because Jihyo, for the first time ever, is making her nervous.

 

Jihyo doesn’t make her relax anymore.

 

And there Jihyo is, her chest heaving up and down like she’s run a great lot. Dahyun would know, she’s the greatest runner there is. But while Dahyun runs from her problems, Jihyo seems to run towards them. Maybe that’s why she’s so successful, because she’s not a coward. She isn’t afraid to take risks. She’s not afraid to hurt someone either. Dahyun admires her,  which she couldn’t say to many people. But maybe that’s all it is with Jihyo.

 

“I’m sorry”, is the first thing that comes out of Jihyo’s mouth. But that phrase is so tiring, so useless. It doesn’t _do_ anything. It’s just empty words. Because the truth is, nothing gets done with words alone.

 

Action is needed.

 

“Is that it?”

 

Jihyo purses her lips, running out of words to say. It seems that she doesn’t have much to say or explain.

 

“I just-” Jihyo sighs. “I know I made a mistake, but you have to listen. Can you listen to me?”

 

Dahyun doesn’t know if she should. The last time she listened, she knows she truly lost her best friend, but this is a stranger. Dahyun doesn’t even know what her favorite color is. So Dahyun nods and Jihyo starts.

 

“Chaeyoung asked me for a favor. Told me about how she hurt her best friend, stole her girl or something. I couldn’t believe it, because you know, Chaeyoung is one of the nicest people I’ve ever met. Then she told me about you and I was interested. Which I shouldn’t be surprised about since the best friend of Chaeyoung must be as equal or a bigger crackhead than she is.”

 

Dahyun lets out a small smile at that description. Yeah, yeah she is, isn’t she?

 

“Then I met you and wow, you-you’re so _amazing_. You have so many stories and you listen really well. I tried droning on about a bunch of boring stuff to see how you’d react, but you didn’t dose off or anything. It’s like you care about what I say and I appreciate that. It’s much more than I can say for a lot of other people.”

 

Jihyo continues talking and Dahyun does what Jihyo said she does best.

 

Listen.

 

//

 

(“Love is timing,” Chaeyoung says as she sits down on the bench, a cone of ice cream in her hand. “Did you know?”

 

Dahyun raises her brow.

 

“I don’t know what you mean _love is timing_. Is that some sort of movie you watched?”

 

Chaeyoung shakes her head. “I mean it how it is. What if your soulmate’s in a relationship already. You’re going to be waiting for a long time. Sometimes it’s too long and you get stuck in the friend zone.”

 

“I suppose,” Dahyun agrees. “But what’s the point?”

 

“My point is that I think I like this girl but she’s in a relationship already. I don’t know what to do.”

 

Dahyun shrugs. “Didn’t you just tell me already? The friend zone is waiting for you if you don’t act.”

 

“But what if I end up hurting somebody?”

 

“Do you really love this girl?” Chaeyoung nods. “Well if you do, then you’d do anything for her. She completes you, fills in the cracks and covers your weaknesses. Not a lot of people could say they found someone like that.”

 

When Dahyun doesn’t hear anything from Chaeyoung, she looks over, because she’s biting her lip and she looks scared.

 

“Problem?”

 

Chaeyoung breaks from her trance and she shakes her head.

 

“No, I’m just-I was just thinking about what you said.”

 

“Good. Now go get her tiger.”)

 

//

 

Dahyun doesn’t understand why she always finds herself on the roof, her hair swaying in the wind, her hospital robe along with it. Any normal person would be freezing, but Dahyun is far from normal; she can take such temperatures. She looks out into the city landscape, the vast expanse filling her with sonder.

 

She’s just one of many. There are people with far more pressing matters than her own. Some probably can’t even find a meal, much less a girlfriend. What is a broken heart and a collar bone to that?

 

Her arm is strapped inside a sling; the doctors said that she would be discharged tomorrow and she’ll be back to her normal, boring life in the slums of the city.

 

Little does she know, life with the people she just met is far from boring.

 

“You sent Jihyo away?” A voice from behind asks, to which Dahyun only smiles to. That high pitched voice she’s heard so much the past few days. It’s Sana.

 

“I told her I already found someone I like,” Dahyun confesses. She turns around to meet the roof intruder. “And I’m trying my hardest to make it right with this girl and I couldn’t do it if I was courting her too.”

 

“Whole ass one thing and not half ass two things, huh?”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Sana steps closer and Dahyun does too in response. Their faces are close, so close. Just a little bit. It would only take just a little, and Dahyun’s learned to just go for it.

 

And she does.

 

Their lips meet and it’s like fire, not the kind that you get when you get stabbed, it’s the kind that wells up inside you, fills you with joy and not pain. It’s sticky, not like the situations she finds herself in so many times, it’s the kind where it’s wet and steamy, makes you shiver and dare she say sexy. It’s surprising, like the element, because the way this all makes her feel is so new, so fresh. She didn’t think Sana could ever make her feel this way.

 

As Dahyun’s motto goes: there are two kinds of people in this world, the ones who do and try to do ( _and fail)_.

 

But this time, Dahyun thinks she’s doing it.

 


End file.
